This slanderous book was written by the Lounge Lizard, who has an advanced degree in Debauchery from Marquis deSade University. He spent many years participating in and carefully observing the pros and cons of single life versus marriage, and especially why men ignorantly do what men do.

The Lounge Lizard was once married for several years, and decided marriage was not in his future plans. Well that's not entirely true - one very rare exception does exist. If he could meet a deaf-mute in her 60s, with a pacemaker and extremely aggressive sex habits, with a paid-up $10 million life insurance policy, who owns a liquor store with the bonus of two gorgeous 20+ daughters who would do anything to comfort their grieving stepfather, he might reconsider.

In case you are not familiar with Lounge Lizards, you've seen them all of your life whenever you enter the latest pickup joint where the voluptuous femme fatales congregate. He is the reptilian creature who's dressed to the hilt and overwhelms the room with a cornucopia of aftershave lotions while spewing endorphins to reel in any woman within 20 feet. He's the sly fox who starts out the night with a target of meeting the perfect physical specimen of a woman and after six zombies will likely wind up with someone who looks like his Mother's older best friend. But it's OK - as long as he scores - for his objective is to get laid as often as possible with a hit list that varies from Miss America to the ugliest barker in the kennel.

After divorcing many years ago, the Lounge Lizard spent many years in the trenches, carefully observing men's and women's actions in the dating scene, the happily married and miserably married, and the ugly and often repeated divorce scene, so I speak from personal experience and not from some shrink's analysis of marriage statistics.

I've quietly interviewed hundreds of men over many years, especially older and more knowledgeable men while they were half loaded and vulnerable in the gin mills of life, in preparation to write this book. Booze is an infallible truth serum.

On the opposite side of the coin, most women I've known spend their lifetime repeatedly searching for their "soul mate," that perfect guy who rides the white charger, but we all know more likely most of us are closer to the horse's ass than to any degree of perfection. Women are easier to understand. Their motivations are love, marriage, and children, in that order, ensuring a high step on the social status ladder, and they'll kill to achieve their goal. Its men that don't know what the hell they are doing.

Now observant people should all agree that marriage, to the horror of womanhood, is a dying institution. To assist with the execution, the author drives a stake into the heart of one of mankind's (or womankind's) most diabolical institutions. Rarely do the majority of men think in terms of that all-important phrase that women worship - the "relationship."

As opposed to the romantic hogwash touted by the so-called experts about how men fall in love, for the most part that is propaganda, for who writes these "advice to the lovelorn" columns but women. They have no intention of telling you the real truth about marriage - it would dispel womanhood's ulterior motive to get all men gleefully running to the altar.

In an unscientific survey, pollsters developed a list of the ten reasons why men get married:
    1. Sex
    2. Sex
    3. Sex
    4. Sex
    5. Sex
    6. Sex
    7. Sex
    8. Tax write-off
    9. Bear children
    10. A mate to help him stop binge drinking.

For a majority of men who decide to marry, it's "abandon all hope, ye who enter here" -- the supposed inscription at the entrance to Hell.

Occasionally, a few men claim to legitimately fall in love with their wives, but for the most part men marry to have a permanent captured sex partner and someone to wash their "ripe" underwear they begrudgingly change once a year. Even worse, men rarely question the morals or the ethical values of their partner before marrying, while women will check out every detail of your genealogy dating back 200 years to ensure her children are registered in the Mensa Club for Perfect Children.

If a woman discovers that your family tree has rotten roots with quite a few family members committed for murder, insanity or sexual depravity, that may mean the end of your potential wedding plans, unless of course you are filthy rich. In that situation, she will likely reconsider.

But don't despair. There is hope for you. You can take the Lounge Lizard's quiz within this book to help you decide if you are on a path to a meaningful partnership or a pending disaster.

What are the Real Reasons Men get Married?

Let us not forget that painful but truthful axiom:

"Women fall in love, and men fall in lust."

There are major reasons why you have grown up with extreme but unspoken pressures that push you into the state of matrimony, without any conscious knowledge of the subtle brainwashing that has enveloped you. Society wants you married; the police want you married so they aren't pouring your 90-proof alcohol-soaked body into the Drunk Tank three times a week; the church wants you married; and above all, corporate America wants you married.

Society recognizes that married men are more stable and less likely to do stupid things that single men do in their stride. The church wants legitimate children to make the church grow; Corporate America wants to make sure you won't jump at a new job opportunity or Heaven forbid decide to go into business for yourself.

And once you're married, your chances of starting a business are almost nil because women like that weekly paycheck - your wife will fight you tooth and nail to keep you at a job that you hate so you have no problems paying that $4,000 mortgage on that oversized, grotesque McMansion you never wanted in the first place.

How often do you hear men extolling the virtues of marriage? Virtually all men are inundated by jokes lambasting the state of matrimony. Just browse through the thousands of brutal jokes that crucify the institution of marriage we find circulating on the Internet on a daily basis - mostly written by married men.

As long as the sex is great, men are completely blind to the world around them. Women frequently demand that men jump through hoops both physically and financially, but once the sex tapers off to a monthly "quicky" (and it will), you may suddenly experience an Epiphany realizing that the reasons for your poorly conceived marriage have been terribly misguided.

Young men still think marriage will change their life positively and provide a path to correct their many vices, and he and his mate "will live happily ever after."

But that's rarely the case. In many marriages, women will deliberately limit the sex to keep you constantly on edge so you don't have a clue as to all the other despicable things she may be doing behind your back likely causing you financial ruin. When men get frustrated with lack of sex, occasionally they will seek out a girlfriend without entanglements (rarely does that happen) or "demand" sex from their wife. This is when you often read about men who were arrested for raping their wives. Some men have even been told when all they wanted was a little blow job on their wedding day after they had enjoyed a sex-filled courtship period, "No more of that now. We're married."

When Should Men Marry?

After careful consideration, the Lounge Lizard has arrived at the magic age when men should marry. Yes, it's the age of 56 when men have sewn their oats, abandoned the Party Animal mentality, and they finally realize a smidgeon of marital responsibly. There's only one little problem with that newfound responsibility. It's not exactly a good age to start a family, unless you happen to be one of the Hollywierd set who has made his millions in "B" rated movies and decided to marry some 25-year old starlet with that great face and body to procreate and have three kids. It's really tough to play baseball or football in the backyard with your 10-year old when you're 66 years old, huffin' and a puffin' and days away from a coronary.

Marital Bliss can quickly Dive into the Black Hole of Calcutta

What about the age-old limerick about the quarters? During the first year of marriage, put a quarter in a jar every time you have sex with your wife. Starting in year two, take out a quarter every time you have sex. Don't be surprised if the jar is still half-filled when you die, coupled with your $1,000,000 life insurance policy, which your wife will quickly spend on a joy-filled shopping spree.

Women swoon over the fact that Adolph and his wife Eva have just celebrated their 50th anniversary ("oh, isn't that wonderful"), but my interviews with the majority of men who have been married for over 35 years suggests that murder would be their number one option to efficiently end a torturous marriage if they could conceive of a foolproof plan.

Via my personal observations, I would estimate that 75% of all married men I have known who have been married more than 5 years have had at least one affair that may have lasted from a one-night stand to over 10 years. When men exchange wedding vows, they subconsciously accept only those portions of the vows they acknowledge are acceptable to them, and apparently those vows that relate to faithfulness fall on deaf ears.

Another reason many marriages quickly wind up in the toilet bowl is best epitomized by that ages-old axiom:

"Familiarity breeds contempt."

Over the course of the marriage, as we learn about our chosen partner, we discover the frailties and often horrifying errors in her personality, naturally without recognizing our own. Once you are married, the two of you are no longer on your best behavior, so those suppressed and often vile habits and questionable history appear with frightening regularity, and very often we don't like what we hear, "What do you mean you were a man before your operation?"

You must understand one thought process that seems to be embedded in the DNA of the majority of women is that she may recognize that you have many vices and slovenly habits and in truth the mutual compatibility you both hope for is dubious at best. That challenge won't be a problem for her as she has already decided on how she plans to change you which will occur over a lengthy period of time - you drink too much - your language is disgusting - you must immediately stop wearing women's lingerie - and your friends, who are all drunken nauseating redneck pigs, must go!

You won't know what Mack truck hit you. After 3-5 years you may wake up and realize that all those fun-loving but often despicable traits of your personality have disappeared and you're accordingly no longer a happy camper.

But it's too late now once you've tied the knot. The damage has been done. However, there's hope. You can prevent this potential catastrophe from happening before you wind up in a snakepit of your own making.

What Alternatives do I have to the Marriage Penitentiary?

If you would like to explore numerous approaches to a satisfying single life without the tortures of pounding your head against the wall with a majority of women who were just released from mental institutions, be aware; you might also meet a few women who can temporarily satisfy your needs.

The Lounge Lizard offers you a multitude of single's endeavors of which you may not be aware, that you may find to be highly preferable to the dating scene. An analysis is provided of the pros and cons of prostitution; really kinky but expensive and specialized prostitution behaviors; becoming semi-celibate with blowup dolls or masturbation; visits to foreign countries where all types of women can be had for a song; purchase a "sexbot" from a vendor offering customizable and vivacious performing sex dolls; cybersex (chat rooms or phone sex); or last but not least, opening your own brothel.

Are You Doomed to Divorce?

Many men would break up their marriage after the "seven-year itch" period has been chalked up in the books of life, but they are now up to their neck in the quicksand of marital penance. By then there are too many factors that force men to recognize their pathetically thought out path.

Often there are kids involved, and the financial penalties can be extreme. Who gets the house? Will I need to pay alimony and child support? Who will the kids live with? And most importantly, who gets all of the bestial black leather accouterments I've cherished since bachelorhood?

But you don't think about these things when you and your true love are enjoying the unfortunately brief period of harmony and bliss and of course great sex that initially exists in most marriages.

"Maybe I can just kill the bitch?"

What Will I find in this book that will Interest Me?

This book provides vital information that you should carefully evaluate before getting married or divorced, or even staying permanently single, that may significantly influence the rest of your life.

There are damn good reasons for the increase in the divorce rate, so if you wish to avoid this emotional and financial encumbering trap, you need to absorb the message in this book. Women have scads of "Advice to the Lovelorn" columnists who permit them to drag their love life through the mud.

But there aren't many men who even glimpse at a Dear Abby column, for after all, men don't seek help - it's not in our genes. Don't even suggest that men might ask a question by actually mentioning the word "love." That's heresy. That would show weakness or worse yet feminine tendencies, damaging the male psyche. I don't think many reputable papers would carry a Dear Lounge Lizard column.

The Lounge Lizard predicts that within 25 years, the only men who will marry will be men who desire children with the same last name or for those individuals who desire long-term companionship with an intellectually equal mate.

Now we could mimic the social antics of the Hollywood set and get married for a few months, days or even hours. It's not a bad idea. You can enjoy all the benefits of the marriage ceremony; the lavish reception; the sadomasochistic sexual antics to christen the marriage bed with your virgin bride (snicker); and then you can get divorced and within a few days find the next victim.

Of course, unless you're a very rich man, this practice can get very expensive. In a recent survey, the average wedding costs $25,764 compared with $15,208 in 1990.

Well, I've offered you a few tidbits but this book will provide you with ammunition to make a conscious decision as to whether or not you should marry, or even divorce your wife, The Wicked Witch of the West, with whom you've already invested many years.

Hopefully, it will make you do something you've never done before - think - before you blindly charge ahead with some typically ignorant and brain-dead male action that you may regret at a later date.

To assist in your learning process, besides lambasting womanhood at every turn, the Lounge Lizard has translated women's difficult to comprehend and alien thought processes into plain English, so you don't join the battle with one arm tied behind your back.

A few of the subjects that are covered in this book dissect issues that may have been buried in your deep subconscious, but your pickled brain probably has a hard time moving these thoughts into your conscience mind. Now is your one chance:

	What types of men want to marry?
	What can I expect out of my forthcoming marriage?
	Am I better off staying single?
	The Lounge Lizard's compatibility quiz
	How some women deceitfully coerce men into marriage
	How you can find the perfect woman for you?
	What alternatives do I have to the dating scene and marriage?
	Should I consider a pre-nuptial agreement?
	Have you considered a foreign-born wife?
	Why are there millions of prostitutes?
	Are the new anatomically-correct female "sexbots" the answer?
	Is the grass really greener if I get a divorce?
	How can I improve my personal sex life?

This book is loaded with "down to earth" practical examples that will provide you with a treasure chest of information on women's often nasty and underhanded ambitions and schemes. That in itself will be a valuable tool for dealing with the so-called fairer sex.

Even though young men are not known as voracious readers besides anything other than smut magazines, if you are a man between 21 and 40 who is contemplating engagement, marriage or divorce, or you know someone who is contemplating one of these major steps, this book which is loaded with sarcasm towards both women and men, is a must read, and is especially valuable for your friend who may have confided in you that he is considering popping the big question to the Divorce Queen.

If you fear for your friend's forthcoming horrors, this book makes a great gift at the bachelor party you plan to throw for the poor sucker.

So, skip that next beer for a few minutes and gain some knowledge in your trek down life's bomb-strewn path!